“Why do I feel so drained all the time, especially after being around certain people”? I get this question from clients a lot, and often the answer is simple. You might need to put up boundaries. You’re allowing too many people too much access to your energy and you aren’t filing yourself back up. Let’s remedy that.
No matter if you’re a healer, an empath, highly sensitive, or just able to notice when you don’t feel that great, you are the one responsible for your energy. You have more control than you think when it comes to your personal power.
Protect Your Personal Power
It’s YOUR energy.
You need boundaries to protect your energy, plain and simple. And when you are someone who shines brightly, be prepared for everyone to want a piece of your light.
Not all people are willing to do the inner work to open themselves up to their own personal power. And that’s ok. But it does not mean that you have to be the one to let someone use yours on loan or let them just take it from you.
Sometimes we don’t even know it’s happening. People can drain us from constant conversations of complaints, or seeking you out for advice they never take. Or it could show up as a friend or family member putting you down out of jealousy or anger. Either way, you leave the experience feeling drained, emotional, tired, upset, or “off”.
Give yourself a break! Stop these feelings by noticing who and what leaves you feeling empty. Once you are able to find the cause, you can create the solution. Quite often it’s as simple as no longer seeing certain people (or limiting time with them), avoiding certain places or events, and setting firm boundaries for yourself.
These boundaries are to protect you and to keep other people in your life by letting them know how you would like to be treated. And no, they’re not up for negotiation. You must be the one, at all costs, to enforce your boundaries and protect your energy. Don’t continually give other people power over you. You are always in control of how you feel, and can choose your next course of action based on what you know is right for you.
Be Discerning.
Not everyone should have open access to you. There are people who are out to intentionally suck you dry, and there are people who have no clue they’re riding your wave like a parasite. If you’re not paying attention to how you’re feeling when you’re around people, you run the risk of being emptied out without even knowing it.
No one can “make” you feel a certain way, but you can definitely tell how you feel when you’re with certain people. Those who lift you up and support you emotionally add to your field. They’re not giving you their power, instead they enhance your power because they hold space for you to shine. They lead with love and abundance in their hearts which is why their presence can revitalize you.
Those who complain, tear you down, judge, or have unrealistic expectations of you and how you spend your time can siphon your energy to give themselves a boost of “good feelings”. They take your energy because it feels good to be around you, and they are too unconscious to understand how to access their own. They’re not willing to tap into the infinite source within, and constantly have to take from others to feel fulfilled.
Noticing how you feel when you are with certain people can very quickly assist you in knowing who’s helping and who’s hindering. Steer clear of the ones that leave you feeling like you need a nap and let people know what topics of conversation are acceptable when you can’t cut your time with them.
You are the one in control of your life. Don’t let someone else direct your focus.
Say NO.
You are not required to stay anywhere you feel uncomfortable, in danger, disrespected, or threatened. Other people’s emotions, patterns, beliefs, and thoughts are not your responsibility. People will try as hard as they can to pull you into their world and their problems, and when you’re there too long your energy gets zapped.
Put that boundary up for yourself and say no to the things that don’t feel good to you. Speak up and let people know you’re upset, tired, or otherwise politely declining their invitation.
And that goes for the invitation to talk too. Unless you’ve got a degree and are getting paid by the hour, you’re no one’s therapist. You can set boundaries on what types of conversations you’re willing to have with certain people. You never have to answer people’s personal questions if you don’t want to, and you definitely shouldn’t continue spending your precious energy talking with someone who’s not able to understand you (or argues with you about it).
Say no and put strong boundaries in place when it comes to the types of events and gatherings you partake in. Politely decline the invite and kindly let people know that a topic is off limits if you know you’re going to get triggered. Set time limits for yourself too.
It’s ok to say no to answering emails or texts, going out, or working late. It’s mentioned before — protect your personal power — and it bears repeating. Over and over and over some more.
Take Control of Your Energy
You are the only one in control of that personal power. Often we give so much away without even realizing it that we wind up depleted and are left wondering why. Look at the things in your life you give your time, focus, and energy to. How do you feel when you think about each thing?
That will give you a huge clue as to what might be draining you. Your feelings are your emotional navigation system, so pay attention to when you feel low or unhappy. Who’s around? What’s the conversation and overall energy like? Does this support who you are or do you have to change yourself to appease another?
Also note when you feel light and uplifted. These are signs as to what will replenish your energy and help rebalance you. Being out in nature is the best way to cleanse and replenish, as well as doing hobbies you enjoy, a nice hot salt bath, getting reiki, and being with people you love. The main point is to return to that uplifted state of being in your power.
Final Thoughts
Remember, it’s your life experience. Don’t be available to give your attention and energy to everyone, especially when it comes to you living a life you love. Make sure your power stays with you by consciously choosing who and what has access. If you’re still mad about something that happened 5 years ago, it’s still got power over you, and it’s time to do some healing.
Boundaries will help you to heal by giving you the space (physically, mentally, and emotionally) to do the work. They keep you safe and less reactive to triggers. They also teach you effective and healthy communication. This is all key to standing in your personal power, all day, every day.
Related post: Sitting in the Chaos
Check out my guest blog post about how it’s never too late to start something new on 7Heartz.com. It’s got tips on how to get moving forward creating what you truly desire in life, even when it’s scary.