Updated: Dec 8, 2019
Exactly one year ago today, October 25th, 2018, I made a decision that would change the trajectory of my life. I didn’t know it at the time and it didn’t even seem too much out of the ordinary, other than I was going out on a Thursday night after class. That decision to hang with friends I don’t generally socialize with, in a part of the state that I rarely head to, was the best decision I could have made for myself. It put me out of my comfort zone in a very big way. So many things happened that night that I’ll never forget.
A year later, that night still seems like it was yesterday. I remember everything in striking detail (a rare occurrence for me) and continually remind myself of what happened. I don’t know if it’s to keep myself on this path out of love or out of fear, but whatever it is, it’s working.
I can still feel everything too. Too much so at times, but I’m glad I’ve been able to keep those feelings alive because I wouldn’t be where I am now without them. Sometimes it’s hard to see in the moment how you’ll be affected in the future, but I remember looking back the following day with an enormous amount of gratitude in my heart for things happening the way they did, and also thinking to myself that this isn’t usually something people are grateful for. That’s when I was struck with amazing clarity.
That moment of making the switch to become grateful was a massive turning point in my life. I could have chosen a dozen other responses, but I chose change. And that was a stepping stone I was surprised to have reached. And I didn’t even have to think about it. I just made the choice with love in my heart.
I said words and made a promise to myself that I’d made many, many times over the years, but this time it felt different. It actually felt like I was going to keep my word and make the commitment to myself that in the past was just lip service. Something had definitely changed within me. It was like all the work I’d been putting in was finally paying off. It was the moment I didn’t know I’d been waiting for.
What happened that night was a wake up call from my higher self and the Divine. I was being told to set my future self up for success because if I stayed on my current path, I was sure to fail. And although these past 365 days have been some of the shittiest days of my life, causing me to endure more than I thought I could handle, here I am, standing tall and still taking steps to move forward. I am no longer able to be shattered by what broke me in the past. And on the occasion when my world is rattled, it’s easy to put the pieces that fall apart back together in record time.
I am grateful for all the good days and all the bad days this year has brought because I have found a strength inside me that has been lying dormant for decades. I have found that decisive action can bring me leaps and bounds beyond anything I could have ever imagined. I never would have thought that I’d be able to do this, and looking back I have an enormous amount of pride in my accomplishment as I’m not always able to keep my promises to myself, especially one that I’ve made many times before.
I am still a work in progress, and there are days that are harder than others, but I have remained vigilant. I have the ‘no matter what, I’m going to see this through’ kind of attitude and that’s gotten me to this destination. I’ve clawed my way up from the bottom fighting tooth and nail every step of the way knowing that quitting was not an option. Every day, I choose to be better than I was yesterday. I never again want to be the person I used to be because I am way too in love with the person I am becoming.